Prakash Kumar

Excerpts from the Diary: November 13, 2014, 6 PM Contemplating the Art of Balancing Desires Struggling with the tumultuous waves of unwanted lust and desire, I find myself at a crossroads where these impulses significantly impact both my professional and personal realms. Despite considerable knowledge and practicing self-control, I am perplexed as to why mastering this aspect remains elusive. I suspect that my tendency towards extremes might be the root cause. It's either complete immersion or total abandonment, with no middle ground. I lack the skill to navigate responsible, manageable desires—a critical aspect of a balanced life. The challenge intensifies when, after abandoning something entirely, I return to it for some reason. The resurgence of lust and desire at such times is overpowering, surpassing previous levels. This cycle of departure and return exacerbates my struggles. The key, it seems, lies in mastering the delicate art of balance. But how does one achieve this equil...

From the pages of my old diary, dated 1.05.2014, 22:23: I find myself traversing a critical juncture in my life. Having completed 50 vibrant years and on the brink of turning 51, I am acutely aware of a palpable sense that something vital is missing. The exact nature of this absence eludes me, casting a restlessness and causing a noticeable dip in concentration. Life in Patna is relatively settled, with a fulfilling job soon marking its fourth year. The passing of Cecilia dealt a profound blow, a lingering sadness that calls into question the purpose behind our toil in navigating life's intricacies. There's a tug between embracing more of life or seeking solace in spirituality. The path is unclear, and the motivation sporadic. Restlessness sometimes reaches such heights that I yearn for refuge, leading to irritations that take weeks to dissipate. I grapple with deciphering the signals—lust, an inner desire to find meaning in halting meaningless work—confused by the jolting of ...

Reflections on the journey through 2023 have been a profound learning into the complexities of life, akin to navigating through a maze of professional, personal, emotional, sentimental and familial challenges. As I sit here in the final week of the year, the external facade of control belied the internal maelstrom that persisted, known only to the depths of my own being. At times I enjoyed this inner struggle to come out of the situation. Throughout this tumultuous but remarkable year, I endeavored to employ every learned life skill and experience to weather the storms, yet often found myself in the throes of inner turmoil, occasionally erupting into harsh external manifestations. While there were moments of brilliance, quietness, and remarkable events, the overarching narrative was one of enduring internal strife, conflict, and confusion.The solitude which I was used to was no where. In the midst of this chaos, I grappled with the struggle to exist in the present moment, wrestling wi...

Throughout my life, I have found myself intrigued by some of the pivotal choices I have made almost on a whim, leaving them to fate and chance. This tendency is not limited to me but it is a common thread among those close to me and in general in the society at large—friends and family alike. We often plunge into decisions without much thought, especially the big ones like education or marriage or career which has far reaching consequences in one's own life, family and society. Recently, I have noticed this pattern among those I know quite well, and the swift outcomes surprised me. It led me to ponder life's unpredictable twists and turns. Yet, despite introspection, I haven't quite found clarity. The debate about fate versus our own thoughtful action in crucial moments lingers. Some advocate for relying on education and intellect,for clear thinking, taking opportunities, and having a definitive life vision.This viewpoint dismisses leaving things to chance or tradition, urg...

It was a pure joy, fun on wheel on a 15-year-old Zen Estilo from Dwarka, Delhi to Patna on 5th Feb 2023. My beauty and most trusted car Zen Estilo turned 15 on 6th Feb 2023. As per Delhi rule, I have to dispose of the car or bring back to Patna for a further lease of life of five years to my "Basanti". I was so attached to this car so I decided to bring it back to Patna to apply for a 5-year extension by paying road tax at Patna with Bihar number. I got NOC online in December at Delhi and then looking for a time to go to Delhi and bring back the car. In any case I have to bring back before 6th Feb 2023. My friend and his wife were returning to Delhi on 2nd Feb with car so I decided to join them. His car was new Kia sonet. It was a new car with less than 10000 km run. We started at 6.15 am precisely from Patna and took Patna-Bihta-Koilwar-Buxar-Purvanchal Eway-Lucknow -Agra Eway -Yamuna Eway -Sarita Vihar-Outer ring road-Dwarka with leisurely 3 stops and two fuel stops. ...

Some time back I read an article on improving productivity and came across a fine definition of personal thinking  which all leads to the loss of productivity and slowly affects other sphere of life. To improve productivity we need to understand  and stop these unwanted mind games and idle thought making.  1. Procrastination " I will do it later." 2. Low Confidence " Will I actually succeed." 3. Perfectionism "It is just not good enough." 4. Judgement "What will my network think of me." 5. Competing commitments "If I do this ,will it get in the way of my other Goal."

     One thing which invariably puts extra life in me is travel. Travel anywhere! In India, outside India , to rural areas , urban areas, to mountains , plains, to sea coast or just driving on the road. It is one thing that is close to my heart and as I age it is getting more intense and I wanted to do it more and too often. Whether there is a company or not it does not matter, just travel solo as a soul traveler, with friends, family and colleagues. And it is just travel for which I am most consistent in my life. I covered a quite lot of places in India and abroad. But the more I travel more intense it become. I am all for it.      During corona time I was stuck at Patna in March and having a long time with family but I miss my usual self when I travel for learning and unlearning.  I travel not for a purpose but just purposely travel to new and some places which I keep repeating and that one place is Ramgarh , Nainital where my antarman dwells. I am v...