Prakash Kumar

Excerpts from the Diary: November 13, 2014, 6 PM Contemplating the Art of Balancing Desires Struggling with the tumultuous waves of unwanted lust and desire, I find myself at a crossroads where these impulses significantly impact both my professional and personal realms. Despite considerable knowledge and practicing self-control, I am perplexed as to why mastering this aspect remains elusive. I suspect that my tendency towards extremes might be the root cause. It's either complete immersion or total abandonment, with no middle ground. I lack the skill to navigate responsible, manageable desires—a critical aspect of a balanced life. The challenge intensifies when, after abandoning something entirely, I return to it for some reason. The resurgence of lust and desire at such times is overpowering, surpassing previous levels. This cycle of departure and return exacerbates my struggles. The key, it seems, lies in mastering the delicate art of balance. But how does one achieve this equil...

From the pages of Old Diary: Recently, I embarked on an unusual journey, one I had struggle to articulate its purpose to anyone. Yet, within myself, the reason was clear. I was on a quest to unearth deep subtle connection. I sought known vibes and energies that could assure  my heart about such a connection , ultimately seeking a profound connection with my soul—the connection of spirit. As I immersed myself in the surroundings, I encountered positive vibes and energies that momentarily engulfed me. It felt as though I knew the place's vibrations intimately. Gradually, this unfamiliar place ceased to be strange; its vibrations felt like an extension of my own energy. Spending time there left me feeling rejuvenated, as if it fortified a bond between myself and the energy of the place. With each passing moment, I found myself drawn more deeply to its enchanting vibes. This experience was internally enchanting, signaling a profound and intrinsic connection which put at rest many unwan...

From the pages of my old diary, dated 1.05.2014, 22:23: I find myself traversing a critical juncture in my life. Having completed 50 vibrant years and on the brink of turning 51, I am acutely aware of a palpable sense that something vital is missing. The exact nature of this absence eludes me, casting a restlessness and causing a noticeable dip in concentration. Life in Patna is relatively settled, with a fulfilling job soon marking its fourth year. The passing of Cecilia dealt a profound blow, a lingering sadness that calls into question the purpose behind our toil in navigating life's intricacies. There's a tug between embracing more of life or seeking solace in spirituality. The path is unclear, and the motivation sporadic. Restlessness sometimes reaches such heights that I yearn for refuge, leading to irritations that take weeks to dissipate. I grapple with deciphering the signals—lust, an inner desire to find meaning in halting meaningless work—confused by the jolting of ...

Reflections on the journey through 2023 have been a profound learning into the complexities of life, akin to navigating through a maze of professional, personal, emotional, sentimental and familial challenges. As I sit here in the final week of the year, the external facade of control belied the internal maelstrom that persisted, known only to the depths of my own being. At times I enjoyed this inner struggle to come out of the situation. Throughout this tumultuous but remarkable year, I endeavored to employ every learned life skill and experience to weather the storms, yet often found myself in the throes of inner turmoil, occasionally erupting into harsh external manifestations. While there were moments of brilliance, quietness, and remarkable events, the overarching narrative was one of enduring internal strife, conflict, and confusion.The solitude which I was used to was no where. In the midst of this chaos, I grappled with the struggle to exist in the present moment, wrestling wi...

It was a pure joy, fun on wheel on a 15-year-old Zen Estilo from Dwarka, Delhi to Patna on 5th Feb 2023. My beauty and most trusted car Zen Estilo turned 15 on 6th Feb 2023. As per Delhi rule, I have to dispose of the car or bring back to Patna for a further lease of life of five years to my "Basanti". I was so attached to this car so I decided to bring it back to Patna to apply for a 5-year extension by paying road tax at Patna with Bihar number. I got NOC online in December at Delhi and then looking for a time to go to Delhi and bring back the car. In any case I have to bring back before 6th Feb 2023. My friend and his wife were returning to Delhi on 2nd Feb with car so I decided to join them. His car was new Kia sonet. It was a new car with less than 10000 km run. We started at 6.15 am precisely from Patna and took Patna-Bihta-Koilwar-Buxar-Purvanchal Eway-Lucknow -Agra Eway -Yamuna Eway -Sarita Vihar-Outer ring road-Dwarka with leisurely 3 stops and two fuel stops. ...

Some of my random observations/thoughts while traveling Tanzania in July 2022. I travelled far and wide mostly by public transportation, meeting people, talking to them, observing them and seeing the vast possibilities of Tanzania. I have not followed any order intentionally to keep it as it is since it was part of my communication with a Tanzanian friend who wanted to hear my experience. I may be wrong in certain observation but it is completely educational without any wrong motive. Given an opportunity I will return to Tanzania again to complete my tour of Mbeya in South and Mwanza on Lake Victoria which I was not able to do this time. I entered Tanzania from Rwanda through Rusumo border and travelled up to Dar es salaam then Zanzibar and back to Dar. And in return to Moshi, Arusha, Engaruka, Karatu, Ngorongoro conservation area and entered Kenya through Namanga border. I found Tanzania friendly and receptive. There was openness in talk. My entry to Rusumo, Tanzania was smooth. The ...

     One thing which invariably puts extra life in me is travel. Travel anywhere! In India, outside India , to rural areas , urban areas, to mountains , plains, to sea coast or just driving on the road. It is one thing that is close to my heart and as I age it is getting more intense and I wanted to do it more and too often. Whether there is a company or not it does not matter, just travel solo as a soul traveler, with friends, family and colleagues. And it is just travel for which I am most consistent in my life. I covered a quite lot of places in India and abroad. But the more I travel more intense it become. I am all for it.      During corona time I was stuck at Patna in March and having a long time with family but I miss my usual self when I travel for learning and unlearning.  I travel not for a purpose but just purposely travel to new and some places which I keep repeating and that one place is Ramgarh , Nainital where my antarman dwells. I am v...